Dimentio's Ranting Castle
by Marno ar Squall
Summary: Dimentio: Come one, come all, watch various people make morons of themselves on universal television! This has SPOILERS for all three PM's.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Okay, enough romance. COMEDY TIME IS NOW!!! My first attempt at a comedy fic. I hope you liketh this.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but Divix.

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Dimentio's Ranting Castle

_**Somewhere in Castle Bleck**_

Dimentio: _**wakes up and gets out of bed and stretches his um...hands**_ Ah what a truly scary morning. People are dying, the sky is flashing with lightning, and the castle looks as hideous as ever. Just the way I like it.

Mimi: Dimentio, your new show starts in five minutes.

Dimentio: WHAT?! What time is it?

Mimi: 7:25 pm.

Dimentio: Damn...wait a minute, how do we know what time it is if it's always darker than an emo?

Mimi: There's a clock right next to you.

Dimentio: _**looks to his left**_ I don't remember that being there.

Mimi: Well, you did get heavily wasted during that crazy party you threw last night.

Dimentio: Christ and a half! Well, what else happened?

Mimi: turns around and blushes...Some things are better left unsaid.

Dimentio: oO; --;Good idea. Well..._**warps through dimensions and reappears fully dressed**_Let's get it started!

* * *

Dimentio: _**warps into Castle Bleck's main chamber**_ Ahahahahahaha! I welcome you like a waiting female gorilla during mating season.

Audience: _**vomits**_

Dimentio: Aw SCREW YOU! That was funny!

Audience: Boo, you suck!

Howz Shop Keeper: SHUT THE beep UP!

Audience: ...

HSK: Who wants badges?!?!?!?

Dimentio: grabs microphone and yells **NO ONE WANTS YOUR GODDAMN BADGES!!!!!!!! **

HSK: ...

Audience: ...

Dimentio: ...

Mimi: Perhaps we should just get on with it, Dimentio.

Dimentio: Of course. _**takes deep breath**_ On this show we will feature random people from our universes to rant about their adorably hopeless lives and unsolvable problems. Here is how it goes down..._**five hours later**_...and that's how it works.

Audience: _**Zzzz**_

Dimentio: ...WAKE UP! Geez, you people are about as boring as Count Bleck during his speeches.

Count Bleck: You're one to talk, Dimentio. Count Bleck's speeches don't last five hours!

Dimentio:( Who let him in here?

Mimi: _**whistles innocently**_

Dimentio: Mimi, I'll get you. _**turns to audience**_ Anyway, let's see who our first ranter is...someone named _crybabycount_.

Count Bleck: That would be Count Bleck. _**flips and appears on stage**_ Bleh heh heh!

Dimentio: _**sighs miserably**_ Just get on with it.

Count Bleck: Very well. _**grabs microphone from Dimentio**_ Ahem, what is up with minions these days? Half of them always die and never get the job done!

Bowser and Grodus: Yeah! What's up with that?

Count Bleck: I mean, what is so hard about getting one friggin item? For them it's like an idiot mouse trying to get cheese on the other side of buzzsaws, lasers, guillotines, and death pendulums.

Ms. Mowz: Ex-CUSE me, wise guy?! How dare you!

Count Bleck: And as for assassinations, that's where it falls further down hill. The assassins are the ones that get assassinated, not the "to be assassinated". What the hell, man? I gave one of my minions invincibility and she still lost! That is just pathetic!

Mimi: HEY!

Count Bleck: Which just goes to show once and for all, that if you want something done, you have to do it yourself. Thank you.

Audience: _**applaudes like hell with Bowser and Grdus being the loudest**_

Dimentio: And that's Count Bleck, aka he who wanted to kill us all because he lost his girlfriend. What a baby! _**shakes head**_

Count Bleck: _**turns around and walks toward Dimentio menacingly**_

Dimentio: _**starts backing away**_ Err...and that's all the time we have for today people, now I'm going back to Dimension D before this guy kills me! _**warps to Dimension D**_

Count Bleck: You can't hide from Count Bleck, Kefka ripoff! _**follows Dimentio to Dimension D**_

Mimi: ...I guess I'm the only one left. Well, any questions?

Mario: Who's Kefka?

Kefka: The ender of all life! The master of disaster! Mwee hee hee hee!

Beldam: HEY! That's MY laugh!

Divix: I'm only here to back up the disclaimer. That and laugh at these idiots!

Mimi: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tranforms into spider form WHO WANTS TO MESS WITH ME?!

Audience: _**sits down and shuts up**_

Mimi: _**returns to non scary form**_ Oh well...Next time, we hear the rants of...**goombagirlwithabnormallylargemouth**.

Goombella: HEY!

Mimi: I didn't write this junk. It was our boss.

Goombella: Alright, where is this tough guy? _**turns around and notices giant baby**_

Junior: _**in demonic voice**_ MAMA!

Mimi: That would be him.

Goombella: _**nervously**_ And why the heck is a giant baby your boss?

Mimi: I lost a bet and had to chose between changing his diapers or making him our boss. I chose our boss, becuase there is no friggin way I'm touching that thing's diaper. _**starts to get sick**_

Goombella: How does he write?

Junior: _**glares at Goombella**_

Goombella: I'll be a good girl. _**sits down**_

Mimi: Alright Junior, go play with your Deaddy bear now.

Junior: Deaddy! _**wobbles away**_

Dimentio: _**returns with briuses and a black eye**_ Okay, after getting my ass handed to me, I just want to say thank you for coming here. And sorry for making my speech longer than the journey through Bowser's Castle, the Palace of Shadow, and Castle Bleck combined. Anyway, I will decide who will be next up to rant about their pathetic lives.

Mimi: _**gives Dimentio the card**_Here you go!

Dimentio: ...We're hosting a goomba...swell.

Goombella: You got some beef against goombas, pal?

Dimentio: And so I leave, like a house cat with ideas of running away. _**warps**_

Goombella: What an idiot..._**sits down**_

Mimi: _**strikes a flirty pose**_ So, who wants to take Mimikins on a little date, boys? 3

Every guy in the audience: SHE'S MINE! _**many people end up beaten to a pulp**_

Doopliss: _**flies onto the stage**_ Hey, Mimi!

Mimi: Well, I guess since no one else is here, you're the lucky guy.

Doopliss: YES!

Mimi: So long everyone. _**grabs Doopliss and they go somewhere...private**_

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Author's note: So what ja think? Please tell me you liked it, otherwise Junior will kill me!

Junior: MAMA! wobbles towards me

Me: Get the hell away from me you ugly son of a bitch! fires RPG and runs Read and Review! runs like hell


	2. spunkygoombagirl

Author's Note: OMG! Faved already. Holy crap! OMGWTFBBQ!!!! ...XD No, really, thank you! Anyway here is number two. It's Goombella's turn now. Oh boy, I can't wait to hear what she has to say. Bleh heh heh heh heh heh! BLECK!

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Goombawithanabnormallylargemouth

Goombella: _**looks at title**_ HEY!

Me: WHAT?!

Goombella: Don't tell them that's what my name is in this is!

Me: They already know, idiot! Didn't you see it last chapter?

Goombella: _**reads previous chapter**_ Oh...hee hee hee hee! My bad! But that name is still rude!

Me: Just shut up and get ready...

Divix: What is going on here? We have a fic to present!

Me: Goombella is just being a whiny little bitch again.

Goombella: Oh HELL no! _**grabs mace**_ I'm going to smack you with this so hard, you will curse your mother for giving you birth!

Me!!! _**pulls out gun**_ Don't you DARE talk about my late mother like that!

Goombella: Late mother? Oh...sorry.

Me: I'm over it.

Divix: Okay this is pretty much one part of the chapter wasted with your idiocies. Can we please start already?

Me: You have a point. The readers are probably getting pissed off right now. Let's move people. _**They all walk out**_

* * *

_Because of complaints about her name I had to change it to something that suited her perfectly._

**Spunkygoombagirl**

_She likes it and is willing to participater on the show, and not have to hurt anyone too too too too badly._

Dimentio: _**wakes up from sleep**_ OMG!!!! What the hell was that?!

Mimi: What is it Dimentio? And why did you scream like a little girl?

Dimentio: I just had a really wierd dream that some 17 year old cat loving boy was controlling the lives of a Goomba, an evil lord, and himself. And they knew about our show!

Mimi: Oh that reminds me. _**walks over to him. she gives him another card.**_ Our next ranter demanded we change her name. She is now _spunkygoombagirl_.

Dimentio: Alright then...by the way, where were you last night?

Mimi: _**blushes**_ Uh, I um, had to, um, see someone, for um, special services.

Dimentio: ...You're hiding something from me...

Mimi: ...gulp...

Dimentio: Meh, what do I care? You do what you want, I have to get ready. Ciao until showtime! _**he warps out of the room**_

Mimi: _**takes out small piece of paper with the name "Doopliss" written on it, and his number **_Oh, Doopliss. Last night was fantastic. heart

* * *

Dimentio: _**appears on stage **_Good Evening, or whatever the hell a dark sky that's here all day means, ladies and gentleman...and giant monkey. 

D.K.: Damn right!

Dimentio: Alright, I'm sure some of you want to see...

Audience: We want Goombella! We want Goombella!

Dimentio: Well, if you could just...

Audience: We want Goombella! We want Goombella!

Dimentio: I'm getting to that but first I...

Audience: We want Goombella! We want..._** Dimentio creates an explosive cube around the audience**_

Dimentio: **Okay, you all will now shut the hell up before I send you to a place worse than Castle Bleck!!**

HSK: We want Goombella!!!!!!!!!!!

Ms. Mowz: _**kills HSK**_ Finally! I was going to ice him anyway. Continue, boy.

Dimentio: Thank you...for killing that annoying bastard. From seat _spunkygoombagirl_, I know some of you goomba boys out there want her, here's Goombella of Rogueport!

Audience: _**an even bigger applause. Half of them clapped their hands so hard they started bleeding. **_

Dimentio: _**notices and sighs **_Can someone get the paramedics to the ding dongs in row 5 please?

Audience: _**laughs, except for row 5**_

Goombella: So, when do I begin?

Dimentio: Right now. _**puts the mike on the stand and lowers it to Goombella's height**_

Goombella: Thank you. Okay people listen up! I'm really sick of all the idiots in the world. They should just die. I mean come on! Look at Bowser over there!

Bowser: _**Eating cheese curls**_ Wait...what?

Goombella: And how about the freak in the top hat in the back? What kind of villainous name is "Bleck" anyway? I say bleck whenever I see something disgusting!

Count Bleck: Count Bleck does not care. You will die with the rest of the worlds.

Goombella: Yeah whatever you say, Count **Barf**.

Count Bleck: Why you little...

Timpani: Settle down Blumiere, I'll kill the witch for you later.

Count Bleck: Can I have her head?

Timpani: Of course dear.

Goombella: And look at this clown right here. _**she gestures to Dimentio**_ What a fruit!

Audience: _**laughs**_

Dimentio: Pardon?

Goombella: Dude, you look like a friggin transexual in all that!

LoloGuru: So does Viv _**shot**_

Vivian: I've put up with that queer's crap LONG ENOUGH! Who else thinks I'm a guy, huh?!

Dimentio: We never said that. In fact, you're pretty enough to be my girlfriend. heart

Vivian: ...Yeaaaah, I don't think so. But just to say it, you look really cute in all that.

Dimentio:_** blushes **_I know I do. You're just the first person to actually say it.

Goombella: Hmm...you know what else is stupid? Vivian.

Vivian: What was that, midgit?

Goombella: What did you call me, bitch?

Bowser: CATFIGHT!

Goombella and Vivian: SHUT UP!!

Bowser: PIE!!

Dimentio: CAKE! _**throws cake at Bowser and it hits **_

Bowser: ...Fire. _**He breathes fire and the entire audience and stage members are all burned, except Vivian and Dimentio as they were in the shadows. They come back up.**_

Dimentio: Thanks.

Vivian: No problem.

Goombella: _**burned and hair is on fire **_Hey! What about cute little Goombella?

Dimentio: You're only cute when you're angry.

Goombella: Really? _**She looks at Bowser menacingly and somehow is holding a cleaver **_I'll give you a ten second head start.

Bowser: Oh crap! _**runs like hell**_

Dimentio: ...Well, the audience is all burned and we need to get this place cleaned now. This is why you shouldn't be allowed on shows like these. As a matter of fact...JUNIOR! Can you come in here?!

Junior:_** comes through wall**_ MAMA!

Dimentio: Yes. The tiny little big-mouthed pink thing is your momma. Go hug her.

Junior: MAMA!!! MAMA!!!!

Goombella: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! _**Runs out the back door with Junior as he crashes through the wall in pursuit**_

Dimentio: Ha ha ha! We won't be seeing her for a while!

Mimi: I'm here. Sorry for being late! _**looks around and notices ruined stage**_ I probably shouldn't ask, but what happened here?

Vivian: Some things were said that shouldn't have been. Oh, and I shot some bastard from some crappy game site. He calls himself Lolo Guru.

Mimi:...Mimimimimimimi! Lolo GURU!? That's a girl's name! What a loser! He must be gay!

Dimentio: Yeah! But calling a girl a guy when she is clearly a girl is something too evil, even for me. (I hope you're reading this Lolo. That's a big middle finger to you!)

Mimi: Hey, what is your name ma'am? You look like we could attract more male audience members.

Vivian: You want me to work with you two? Sounds like a deal. My name is Vivian.

Dimentio: _**shakes her hand**_ Pleased to meet you! By the way Mimi, who is our next ranter?

Mimi: Hm, let's see...it is _**thechunkinator**_. I think that's O'Chunks.

Dimentio: Excellent! He will probably rant about people thinking he's stupid because of his accent. This will be hilarious.

Vivian: What's my job?

Dimentio: Vivian...you will be the main attraction.

Vivian: But what do I DO?

Dimentio: You'll be a dancer. You will do just fine.

Vivian: But I don't have any feet.

Mimi: Vivian, let's have a little walk and talk shall we?

Dimentio: Now what to do about this set? _**he snaps his fingers and brings back Junior with Goombella in his hand**_ Clean this place up you two! I want it spotless. Make mama happy Junior!

Junior: MAMA!

Dimentio:...This is the most pathetic ending to any chapter ever. _**large wall with the number 4 comes down and crushes Dimentio**_ ...e..excellent.

* * *

Author's notes: I hope that fourth wall joke saved me. . And if by some ridiculous chance LoloGuru from the TTYD boards at LAMEfaqs is reading this, you can go f yourself you Vivian-bashing son of a bitch! 


End file.
